Right now I am in Groesbeck, at the dePoort Conference centre attending EBBF's annual conference. This year the theme is "Making it Meaningful".. I joined this ride a couple of months back as the Communications Associate for EBBF, a virtual internship position which I hope to maximise further in the next couple of months, because it is what has become the food for a seed I started to plant in May this year.
For the past 10 years of my life all I've been trying to do is understand my place in the world, figure out what purpose i was born to serve. In May I decided to leave my previous job as I didn't feel like it contributed constructively to me and my future. I reached this decision even as a result of a new found source of meaning... EBBF....
I was touched by it and the people in this extraordinary organisation last yea at an AIESEC-EBBF conference, which drove me to start soul-searching and rediscovering my spirituality (which I incidentally put on hold that same year I started searching for meaning ten years back. Paradox? Admittedly, Yes!)
This stage in my life is, as someone told me today, "a great period of change.. a change I need to embrace, and understand" because I finally feel like I can start defining my future, where I am going to go and who I want to be.
I know what I am now, who I am, and some of the things I am capable. It's time to figure out what my calling is, what my dream is, and follow it with all my heart and might.
It's strange how a couple of conversations can reassure you, and what power they can have on consolidating your determination... I guess it's what I could consider the real essence of inspiration.
Yesterday not long after I'd arrived I spoke to a fantastic woman who gave me a metaphorical slap in the face, making me snap out of my "it doesn't matter what I do as long as it's useful" mode.
NO, what I do does matter, as what I do shapes who I am and is a manifestation of it. And now I am going to admit to myself what it is I truly want to do. I'm going to detach from all that is superfluous and stopping me from following my dreams, because this is how I will be happy, and how I will combine my thirst for meaning, purpose and love.
It's strange to say things with such determination when I only recently felt so lost and frustrated as I couldn't make a choice on what direction to pick.
NOW? I'm still unsure, but determined to sit down, really soul-search, and decide where I am going to go.
A couple of things I do know are, that I am a person who has had exceptional chances in life, great gifts bestowed upon me (by whatever superior essence or power one chooses to believe in)... it might be by God, it might be the world's energy, I don't know and don't pretend to know. As cocky as it may sound, what I do know is that I need to put this all to service of something greater, to do something significant because I know I can do it and I will.
So far this blog's contained lots of rubbish... till today...(well hopefully some stuff was insightful)....but I mean to use it better and really try and communicate at least part of what I have within and want to share.
I guess, I should say thank you to a lot of people (I wonder if they'll ever read this) but
Tammara, Daniel thankyou for letting me be here to enjoy this, to learn from you and others, who I will thank for the time spent in sharing their thoughts, experience and advice.... for that in particular Francoise, Paul, Oscar, you have made me think differently, trust me.... off to sleep to the sound of Nicola Isuard (look him up!)
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